There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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