can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
