I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
