the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
