it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
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Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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