Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
