just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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