if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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