The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
