Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
