if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
