I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
