Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
