I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Please don't give away my fajitas
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize