I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
