They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
