Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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