Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
