I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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