I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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