You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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