Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
