Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
there's paper in my vomit.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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