I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
