I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
