I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
