So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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