I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
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fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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