Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize