i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
