I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
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Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
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Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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