I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
