just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
