what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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