Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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