So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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