someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
