If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize