I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
