There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
