Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
