Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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