paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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