She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
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