I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My butt remains clenched, sir.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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