you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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