Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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