I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Found your dick twin last night
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize