i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just found a bag of teeth...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
