Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize