i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.