Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.