dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
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I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
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It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment