Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
