I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
