I have demons in me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
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Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
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I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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