Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And then my night got REAL pukey
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
