Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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