my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
