Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
