5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
