mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
