Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
