i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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