he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
